"No matter how long between entries..."

I once wrote that in a journal in a spate of determination to keep writing - so often, when there has been a pause, it is hard to start writing again, and the longer the pause, the harder to resume...

Tomorrow Nicole will book herself into Vincent Palotti Hospital to begin the process of inducing our son to be born - tomorrow she will have scans and injections and be monitored, on Tuesday they will administer a gel to (hopefully) trigger labour, on Wednesday (assuming nothing has happened) they move on to a hormone injection, and (if needed, i.e. still nothing has happened) a Ceasarian.

It has been a long, sometimes rocky road since his conception back in October 2008 - at least one occasion where we were both convinced that he was dead, Nicole several other times as well; we've refurbished our house, moved out of Elna's place and into our own and have only just finished unpacking!! Trust us not to do things the easy way - although, to be fair, we had planned things so that we'd move in a month or so before we ended up doing so, but there were delays in getting the plans approved and delays in getting the kitchen cupboards finished, and so we're finally comfortable just in time for our life to get turned upside down again...

If we think about it too hard, it is very easy to get very scared - we've been this close before with Zoe, and we lost her. I've found myself telling people that in the best-case scenario, we'll be home by Weds evening, and in the worst-case and then trailing off... I'm meaning to say something about how we may need to spend a few more nights in a ward if Nicole has to have a C-section, but it keeps coming out differently. "That's why I don't think of it." (from Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead)

I can't imagine how life will be - whatever the outcome. I can't imagine another baby in the house - it seems we have our hands full with just the one, we so seldom have time to/for ourselves, I can't picture it when there is another bundle to care for. Even more so, I just can't bear to think what life will be if we lose another child. First time round was bad enough, but to have it happen again, well, I fear it might be too much... At least one thing has been resolved - we have a fantastic cell group who we have seen in action already (another member of the group has leukaemia), and we have our family all around us, so we will be cared for should the "inconthievable" (The Princess Bride) occur.

And now, to wait...