Counselling continued

Second session was last week and it was a busy weekend, so let's see what I can remember...

We talked a lot about assertiveness and fear - about how I live with an expectation that things will go badly and react appropriately; how I have schooled myself not to get excited about things to avoid being disappointed. We talked about how this affects my relationships with those I live with and with those I work with.

We ended up with her telling me that the promises of God, which are foundational to the rest of our faith are not dependent on us, but on Him. It wasn't as groundbreaking a session as the first - I suppose that's inevitable, but it felt positive, solidifying (if you follow me), plus, I have homework. I'm to download the 40 days with Abraham PDF from the church website and start working through it.

So I am

Counselling notes

So, I'm starting the counselling process again - it has taken me a long time to come to the realisation that I am not simply going to get better/fixed all on my own, and that I am going to need professional paid-for help to find my way clear of the tangled situation I find myself in.

We met up about a week ago - I liked her from the start (very important) and trusted her enough to pour forth all the things that have brought me to this point, starting with Zoe, but including being dumped by the worship team, Nix's ordination rejection, Malcolm, and much more besides. We spoke about journal-ing, but I have never had the persistence or enthusiasm required (just look at this blog), but she encouraged me to at least write down what we spoke about and the realisations I had had during the sessions as a record for me to look back on at the very least, so here goes. Most of it will be in a short hand on the off-chance that someone actually does read this :-)

• The struggle is to understand how things work in a universe where God exists - if he doesn't exist, then life is much simpler: "Shit happens"
• The "smackdown" phenomenon
• "This time it's personal"
• "something bad might happen" (Marlin, Nemo's dad)
• Thoughts/vision of God asking for volunteers
• Zoe being cuddled by Grandma