Phonecall followup

Well, the meeting happened, and frankly, I was disapointed... it just wasn't... enough. I'm really not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it...


We drank some really nice coffee, and chatted about me and my family and job and life, and he told me about some of the initatives that the church has going. When I mentioned Zoe after half an hour or so, he mumbled something about "I saw that on your form, I was going to ask..." and then never mentioned the topic again. There was no pastoral nature to the meeting, it was more like a business meeting - it wasn't a sales pitch, but there was no depth to it. Friendly enough, but nothing to draw me in or draw me out of myself.


We went back to the church that Sunday, and I took Janel to the Childrens section this time. I was able to leave after less than 5 min which was fantastic - she is really feeling comfortable there!! For this reason alone, I guess we will probably keep going - I have just recieved an email circular from the church as I'm typing, must be a sign :-). The service itself was fine, the preacher was the best of the three weeks so far, although I was dissapointed that he didn't really end up answering the question he posed at the start. This was how the "obnoxious" God often portrayed in the OT can be reconcilled with the merciful God depicted by the New - a question to which I have not heard a satisfactory, evangelical answer. But he got side-tracked into a discussion of how the three epochs (pre-fall, pre-cruicifixion and post-resurrection) of relatoionship with God affect us as humans, rather than addressing how God's side of the equation changes. Nevertheless, he was an organised, engaging speaker.


The rest of the weekend was lovely, we went to Janel's second cousin's first birthday party, and while Nicole had to rush off to her business course planning group, I stayed and watched SA thrash Aus at rugby and enjoyed watching Nellie play with her cousin - she was so relaxed and happy, it was a delight to see. The weather was appaling, with storms and gales all over the Western Cape, but we had good family times in front of the fire.

Lazy rainy afternoon...

It's a wet and wintery Saturday afternoon, and the Springboks are playing Australia (in Durban I think). I'd forgotton this fact and so haven't made any plans to go somewhere that has M-Net (the pay digital channel) showing and will have to watch the re-broadcast on SABC later. Nicole is at a staff development day, listening to Ben Zander speak, so I'm looking after Janel. We've watched "Insectopia" (her name for the movie "Antz") and I've managed to wean her off the television and into her playroom. At the moment there is a lot of unpacking going on, most recently her musical instruments, so she is trying to figure out which end of the flute to blow into...

It's been a busy few weeks - the budget season at school has begun, so I have been helping various heads of subjects to consider their options for electronic/IT equipment and then get prices so that they can draw up budgets for 2009. At the same time, I'm trying to do my own budgeting for the four areas (IT, AVT, ICDL & photocopiers) that I have become responsible for. And with Nicole's seemingly endless busyness still ongoing, life at home is busy too - although we spend most evenings collapsed in front of the TV after getting Janel to bed, it never feels restful, and we always wake up almost as tired as we were when we went to bed. Nicole is sick at the moment, but I'm actually feeling OK, although my back is constantly sore - as if a vertebrae was out of position.

I got an unexpected phonecall this week. When I visited the new church we're trying for the first time (Nicole had been the week before), I filled in one of their newcomers slips, and at the bottom, after I had filled name of spouse and children, I wrote "Daughter Zoe, stillborn 24 March 2007" - in part because I always agonise over how to fill in how many children I have, but in part just to see how they would respond. When Nicole had visited, I had been impressed by how quickly they followed up on her "newcomers form" - just an email saying "thanks for visiting, here's how to find out more", but I thought that it showed they'd at least noticed you'd been. So I was a little miffed when my form didn't get followed up after a week to 10 days. Then I got a call from one of the church leadership team/elders/whatever they call them inviting me to meet up for coffee. I assume that it's in response to my note, as he seemed quite awkward about it. As it turns out, on the afternoon we were supposed to meet, his wife got into a traffic accident, so it's been postponed a week. As fate would have it, we haven't been back to the church since I filled in the form - last week was Janel's godparent's son's christening, and this week we're on creche duty at Christ Church. I'm intrigued to see how it all pans out.

Has it really been almost a year since I last posted to this blog - seems incredible...

For the longest time I didn't post because I didn't feel I had anything of value to say - I was unemployed, looking for work, feeling useless and frustrated. I thought I would start posting again when I found work and felt less empty, but even when I found work in February (almost six months ago, how time flies) there still seemed to be nothing to say. We'd started having some bereavement counseling through Christ Church, and the issue of my unemployment (and unemployability it felt at the time) dominated every session to the point where I really didn't feel it had any value to me at all. The only positive thing that did come from it was that my counsellor suggested (near insisted) that I needed to have someone to talk to (about Zoe, but also about life in general) and so my brother and I started meeting up for coffee on a weekly basis, and those times were very valuable and precious.

Starting work has been good for me in a lot of ways - the staff at Rustenburg have been very welcoming and I have felt comfortable far, FAR faster than I ever thought possible. I've always taken months, if not YEARS, to feel truly comfortable in a new environment, and within weeks, I had told the group of staff I sit with about her, wept with another member of staff over her and invited a bunch of them to our house for a braai. Inconceivable!! I have managed to make a positive impact there, as I am quite different (both in character and aptitude) to my predecessor and so have been able to do things that have simply needed a fresh pair of eyes and yet made a significant difference in the school's life. And so I feel valued and important, which has been crucial for my self esteem.

Life at home has gone through ups and downs, with Nicole working harder than ever before - dividing herself between school, home, the business and study. Sometimes she manages, sometimes not, and sometimes I have felt like I'm at the bottom of the To-Do list... Janel has gone through phases of not wanting me to do ANYTHING for her and screaming for Mommy if I so much as try. Having said that, she has also gone through phases where I'm flavour of the month instead, so that cuts both ways. Money has been tight, got better and is tight again as Lovely Laities starts gathering steam - and now we start thinking about buying a second car and renovating our house in Field Close!!

Health has been pretty horrid of late as well - I got a cold in June, which ended up as pneumonia by August, after two weeks in bed, I was ready to climb the walls, so went back to work, probably earlier than I should and picked up another cold, which I have yet to shake off, but it doesn't seem to be getting any worse either...

My faith has pretty much been down - we've pretty much given up on being able to fit in at Christ Church, it just doesn't seem to be working, although we have joined a small group "bible-study" which has been good, at least for the relational aspects, but going to services has been a bit of a wash-out. The other good thing about our stint of counseling was that we were "given permission" to stop feeling obliged to go to services if that was proving a hinderance rather than a help, which it was at the time. Instead we bought a membership to Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens and have spent several very happy Sundays there. We've now started attending (well, we've been twice) a church closer to where we are, and that seems promising, at least from Janel's point of view, as their children's activities seem to be well organised, and there are a couple of children from nursery there, so she is much more relaxed, which means that we may be able to leave her there on her own soon. The truth, though, is that I don't think it matters where we attend, for me there is nothing going on inside. There have been times when I have wished that I could believe in the way that I used to, but for the most part, it is an empty and meaningless exercise.

That seems like a depressing place to end this post, especially because I'm not really depressed - life is mostly good, if a little meandering. We'll be able to try and fall pregnant again in about 6 weeks time (medical aid won't cover the treatments Nicole will need until a one year probation is completed), so that will herald a whole new set of stresses!!

Here's hoping it's not another year until the next post...

Long time no post

"You have two eyes to see with, you have two ears to hear,
you have one mouth to speak with and one small nose right here.
Your feet are down below, your hair is up above,
you have two arms to hold me, and I have you to love."

This is a song on one of the "Sing and Sign" DVDs that Janel loves watching, and the last line always makes me cry. I'm never sure whether I'm crying because I love Janel, or because I miss Zoe, but I cry everytime.

Not much of a post, but its better than the "This post intentionally left blank" that I was planning... :-)

Goodbyes - a retrospective...

We've been in South Africa over a week now, and this is the first chance that I've had to catch up with myself, blogging wise...

Nicole has started her temporary post at Rondebosch Boys' High School (althought they're angling for it to become longer term or even permanent), which means that I am a stay-at-home dad for the immediate future. So far (two days in) it has gone well, and I feel that I have been able to entertain Janel and accomplish what I need to, most of the time. Having said that, the time does race by and before you know it, it is lunchtime and then Mommy's home!! I've been really worried that I won't know what to do with her/how to keep her entertained/make sure that her development is being aided correctly/etc, etc, etc, but so far at least, so good.

On the job hunt front, things are not so positive - I have contacted a couple of agencies by email, but without much response to be honest. I know that I need to follow them up by phone and personal contact, but there isn't really the time for a consolidated effort at the moment. We're looking at daycare options, and if we find something that we like, and can get Janel settled, then I will be able to give the issue my full attention. Going back into some form of education does, however, seem to be a viable alternative - my sister-in-law runs an extra Maths lesson tutoring service, and is keen to see it expand into other areas, which is quite an exciting option. I hadn't thought that I wanted to go that route, but now it feels like a possibility.

I hate having options :-)

Moving - Parts 2 and 3

Well, the house is packed up, cleaned up and handed over to the letting agent - an exhausting weekend/week.

Nicole has been a star, working most of the past week to get things ready for the move, organising with charities to come and collect the surplus "goods and chattels". On Thursday the packers from the shipping company came and packed away all the things we were shipping home and took away our car - apparantly they did sterling work. By the time the weekend came it was just a matter of getting rid of the stuff that we couldn't give away and cleaning the flat - "just"? It was rather disappointing how little the various charities were able to take away, so we ended up throwing away some perfectly good stuff, although most of the stuff we were able to unload at various charity shops on the way to the dump. Part 2 over...

Then it was time to vacuum the carpets, wash the walls, touch up the paintwork, wash all the windows (inside and out), steam clean the carpets, scrub the sinks & mop the floors - all to make sure we got our deposit back (which we'll need to pay the moving company!!). Thank goodnes my folks were able to come up for the weekend, to help with the moving and cleaning, but almost as importantly, to look after Janel while we worked. The agent was due to arrive at 4pm, and by 4.15, Nicole was fuming - I was able to escape with the final load for the dump, but fortunately for the agent, she arrived soon after I left, gave the place the once over and confirmed that everything was in order.

We left a lot of memories in that flat - we moved in there soon after we found out Nicole was pregnant with Janel (the thought of climbing two flights of stairs to the flat above the vicarage while pregnant being too much to contemplate), and it has housed us through happy, exhausted and distraught times. Janel took her first steps there, said her first words there, Zoe was concieved there. We learned of my Grandma's death there, and gathered there to try and listen in on her funeral via Skype. It was our place of refuge in the days after Zoe died, when the sun shone and our world seemed to have ended. We grew tomatoes (by the bucketload) and butternut there, mielies that stood tall but never produced fruit, sage that sounded like a good idea, but never got used, cucumbers that were huge, but too bitter. It was our first family home. Part 3 was over...

So now we trust that the container will make it past the coast of Devon and safely to Cape Town, that we haven't packed anything we'll need in the next 4 weeks, and haven't thrown anything away we should have packed. On to part 4

Moving - Part 1

And so it begins - the great re-location to Cape Town.

Yesterday, we packed up the things that we will be taking with us on the plane - that we will need over the next week and a half, and for the first 4 weeks or so in SA. Quite a challenge, packing for work and leisure, summer and winter, and in just 20 kgs!! Fortunately Janel gets a full 20kg to herself this time, as she is travelling as a child (i.e. getting her own seat) rather than as an infant (i.e. travelling on our laps).

At the same time we have begun putting things in bags/boxes so that they are ready for the movers to come and pack on Thursday. And throwing out junk, of which there is far, FAR too much, and giving things away to charity and friends. All rather exhausting really.

We've relocated to the house of some friends who are away on holiday, and are staying on the second floor, so are having to be much more organised with ourselves, as climbing two flights of stairs to fetch the wallet/dummy/book/etc that you've forgotten is task that my body is very unused to!!

By contrast, on Saturday, we had one of the nicest days we have had in a long, long time - we'd orgainised a farewell event, which was going to be a picnic in the park, but some friends offered us the use of thier place for a BBQ, so we took them up on it and were very glad that we did, as it was a stereotypical British summer day, with some rather hefty showers. It was such a relaxed day - with people coming and going, bringing FAR too much food, mixing and chatting and playing with Janel. Just the way that I had imagined it!!